Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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