he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
