Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
