fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
