Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
