So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
