Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just want to make out with him forever
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
