guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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