well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't deserve a penis
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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