Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
