You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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