Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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