i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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