Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
