I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
