so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
