If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
