If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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