That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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