Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There's always time for handjobs
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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