See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
