sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
