I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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