when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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