I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
