no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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