I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
