and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
