just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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