I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
