There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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