Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
