is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
