My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
