Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
