if i can run in heels then i can drive
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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