I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this will be a night to untag.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
