I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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