so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
