that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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