he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
