the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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