I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
