How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
