It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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