im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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