why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
