You made me cry and you don't even care
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
