I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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