Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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