Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
