I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
